What is some funny good advise that you know of?

Examples:... Hmmm Like :


Don't eat sushi then get drunk


Don't make fun of a bouncers hair, especially if they're going bald


La,la,la


(Not sure how ';Funny'; those were but you get the idea..)


ha,ha Can you help me?What is some funny good advise that you know of?
Don't ask the barber whether you need a haircut





Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast


wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally





Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna.


I found that the subsequent food poisoning enabled me


to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days





Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them.


The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet.


(Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).





If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic.


Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto!


The blockage is almost instantly removed





Color coordinate your pet with your furniture %26amp; carpets.


That way, the hair won't show if you don't regularly sweep it up





Old telephone books make ideal personal address books.


Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know





What is some funny good advise that you know of?
1. Wherever you go, there you are.


2. Never put your elbow inside your ear.


3. Resentments are like pissing your pants, nobody feels it but you.


4. Geography does not cure nasty: If you stick a jackass in a crate and ship it to California, it is still a jackass only now it's mad and hungry.


5. If you walk down the street and you meet an @hole, you met an @hole. If you walk down the street and everybody you meet is an @hole, YOU ARE an @hole.


6. Common sense isn't.


7. The faster I go the behinder I get.
dope will get you through times of no money, better'n money will get you through times of no dope.





never actually kiss a frog





never ask the police officer if HE knows where the fire is.





it's crackers to slip a rozzer a dropsy in snide (just had to throw that one in for free).





we're all bozo's on this bus.
';Be strong, strength will help you break things.';





';When life gives you lemons, throw them at people who own expensive cars.';





';If you want to be succesful in life, forget about it because you're a retard.';





';We have nothing to fear but fear of tigers';
Life is a banquet and most suckers don't seat themselves at the table.
Confucius say ';Man with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger';





yea about that funny
Honesty is the best policy but never honestly tell your girlfriend that you don't like her dress.
whoever smelt it dealt it!
Don't poke badgers with spoons.
';Time is never wasted, when you're wasted all the time';





xD
Never pet a burning dog.
Never piss in the wind. You'll get your own back.
never try to win an argument with an *** hole
dont **** where u eat...


dont bite the hand that jacks u